Guruji’s Magic Potion – By Akshat Sabharwal


Every chance is that as you join a new gym in your locality, you will bump into everyone’s mentor a well-built guy with big biceps, a superstar walking like a police patrol in the whole gym, judging you by the brand of apparel n shoes you wear.
He is the self-proclaimed guruji of the house.
Make no mistake his secret techniques, all the bodybuilding formulas, diet schedules, etc. are reserved only for those who will become his personal training victims.
For the first two-three days in the gym, you will not be given any attention, and you feel alienated.
Then as you struggle to find your regime, look at the moves of your fellow mates and ape them mindlessly, look for videos online suddenly guruji comes one day to you and after a short introduction session while correcting your posture he whispers with a  melodious voice in your ear ” PT chahiye kya.“(Do you need PT)
He will make you believe that you are blessed with a great body type, but you need proper exercise which only he can make you do.
You fall in the trap and instantly say yes. And the game begins now.
Sessions of strenuous exercises, classic one day one body part regimen, diets comprising of egg whites, curd potato, oats, soya, paneer starts.
Don’t worry; this guy is a medicine prescriber of the whole gym too. You will also be told to take liv 52, calcium, glucosamine, omega 3, vitamin e, Vitamine C, milk thistle, etc. from the very first day even if you need it or not because, for him, everyone rides the same boat.
Wait for a fortnight, and now he will give you magic pills usually in a small packet with label stripped off.
As you start taking it, you will have a feel-good factor about you. Suddenly you will have more stamina, you will pump in more sets, and the days aren’t far when you feel you will be India’s answer to Ronnie Coleman.
Oh, I forgot.. A protein shake is a must for you and should only be purchased from Guruji because till now you will be made to believe that only guruji can provide you with genuine proteins and rest neulifes, healthkarts, bodybuilding indias with a combined turnover of over 10 million dollars only sell fake.
Now, after you give him control of your mind and pocket, the body follows. Playing with your hormones is like bread n butter to him. Testosterone, insulins, growth hormones are all at your disposal. Sometimes willingly or unwillingly, you have to become his mouse.
This goes for a few months and now the blue pills you were taking shows their wizardry.
You feel drained out, hair starts falling, the chest becomes swollen, aggression creeps in, the liver function gets abnormal then doctor guruji tells you to stop his magic pills, and you suddenly realize the loss of stamina, decrease in muscle size, fatigue, loss of appetite.
You decide to approach a doc n hence realize that the pill you were taking was something else.
You quit the gym, bid adieu to Guruji, admire ur pics of beefier times n ask your friend “bhai aajkal kaunsa gym accha chal raha hai?(Brother, Which gym is good for joining?)


This was a guest post by Akshat Sabharwal.

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